Trusting the Gut When Life Feels Heavy
You know that feeling that comes from your gut? When you just know that the decision you are making is the right one. Even if there’s a bit of fear in the mix, deep down you know it’s right.
Lately, I’ve realized I’m struggling to feel that. It’s like my mind has taken complete control, pushing down all those feelings that until now were my guiding star. Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time understanding what to do next.
I have always been someone who followed my gut, and until now, it has always led me to experiences that changed my life. I dared, even when I was scared. I followed what my heart desired, without regret. I followed it to Thailand, to fulfill my dream of working with elephants. I didn’t know where that experience would take me, I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, but I felt it. That feeling that expands your soul, if only you are willing to listen.
When I decided to come back home, I had different expectations for how things would unfold. I knew it would be hard and that starting again would take time. But I guess I didn’t expect it would take this long. Eight months later, I still feel lost at sea, drifting while the waves push me down, and I struggle to catch my breath.
Someone once said that maybe I’m just scared to voice how I feel. Maybe I’m avoiding the truth, pushing it down, but my body keeps bringing it back. Right now, I feel like I have two parts of myself that aren’t working together. The mind, trying to find answers, replaying memories, trying to live up to what others expect. And the adventurous, silly, core part of me, the part that has been silenced, quietly searching for a way back up.
Because I think I know what it is that I’m scared to say out loud. I’m regretting my decision to come back home. And I’m worried I did it to make other people happy. But in doing so, I wounded that true part of me.
I know that you can’t undo what happened in the past, but that doesn’t mean you can’t choose what to do in the future. Thailand is still there; I know that I can still choose. I have that power. But the most important thing I need to do now is sit down with my emotions. Sit down in silence and listen to what my body wants to say, and say it out loud too. Only by saying it can you let that feeling go and slowly move on. Only by sitting with your feelings, good or bad, can you light up that fire inside of you; that fire that has been slowly dying and only needed a small blow to shine bright and strong again.
Right now, when that fire in me is dimmed, I feel like I just walk through the day like a zombie, apathetic, disinterested, suppressing my emotions.
I know that I will refind that gut feeling inside me. Because I know that by trusting it and following it, it can lead you to extraordinary things. I still remember when I decided to go to Thailand. It was a normal day when I was working as a kindergarten teacher, but I felt something was off. When I got back home from work, I opened my computer and typed in “Work with elephants.” So many things came up, but in all that chaos I found the project that felt right. I still remember how my chest expanded, how I felt a sense of peace and excitement, how my gut knew it was the right thing to do before my mind even had a say in it. That feeling is still there, and I know I just have to trust myself a little more, to trust and listen to my gut before my mind.
That’s the reason I’m also writing this blog post or should I say, the reason I started this page. I’m finding comfort in writing down what my mind is screaming, because like this I can focus on what is more important: that part of me that is a compass, guiding me through life, my gut, which has recently been clouded.
I’m learning, slowly, that maybe it’s not about making the perfect decision. Maybe it’s about giving myself permission to feel, to listen, and to reconnect with that adventurous part of me again. The part that knows, deep down, that even when life feels confusing or heavy, it’s still full of possibility.
What about you? When was the last time you really listened to your gut? How did it guide you?
